Getting CloserPosted on November 9, 2014 by Rabbi Manis Friedman
Getting closer to someone is risky business.
In particular, there are two pitfalls to look out for.
- Does the other party want you any closer? If the answer is no, and you try anyway, you’re not a friend, you’re not getting closer, and you’re probably headed for criminal charges.
- Is there anywhere closer to get? Or are you perhaps already as close you can get?
Find out if they want you closer. If the answer is no, give them space and stay where you are. If the answer is yes, find out how you may get closer.
One way to get closer to someone – with their permission – is to find something that is closer to them than you are and provide it for them. When you are the source of the fulfillment of truly deep need, you assume the closeness of that need as well. That’s called “getting closer.”
Whereas deciding unilaterally on a course for getting closer to them is wrongheaded, ill-advised and selfish. Without knowing what they need, it is indeed impossible.
Torah has told us that fulfilling the Mitzahs brings us closer to G-d. But that can only be so because of two critical factors:
- He has asked us to do them, thus inviting us to get closer.
- The Mitzvahs are all-important to Him, they are His deepest need and desire. Thus when we provide Him with the fulfillment of that need for Mitzvahs, we are as well.
With permission, with guidance and with genuine needs, we can get closer.